Building Harmony With Humility

Well, once again it has been a while since I have written.  I have been away for a couple of weeks and boy did that trip highlight how much I still have to learn about humility! I have been in such denial of my soul over the past couple of months really and this trip really helped me to see that.

I am so very grateful that God's Love never wavers and is always waiting for us to open our soul's to its reception through our desire.  This past week I have been slowly letting go of resistance and endeavouring to allow myself to sink more comfortably into God-reliance.  So much resistance in me means that it is a slow process.

Today I would like to share with you a message from the Judas Channellings on Humility.  It has helped me greatly to 'get back on track' (so to speak).  I hope it is of benefit to you also.

Building Harmony With Humility

January 14th, 2002

Received by H.R.
Cuenca, Ecuador.

Hello H___, I see that you do not feel so well today. But allow me to give you some advice.
After Jesus’ death, the new church, which in fact was not a church as you understand it today, spread all over the Roman Empire, and even beyond its limits, towards Mesopotamia and India. In the big cities, communities formed of more or less influence in society, and their leaders were recognized by the faithful ones as the new apostles, messengers of the Glad Tidings.

These leaders, unfortunately, very soon fought between themselves, in a fight for power. And I am not necessarily referring to political power, but there were many disputes over who was right. This was a very lamentable, but also a very human development. Because in human movements, somebody has to decide where to go.

Now, when you have the impression that this is repeating, although your movement has not spread so spectacularly over the face of the earth, it is necessary to meditate and to not commit the same mistakes that have already been made once.

You have to learn how to control yourself and to try to lose your great pride. On many occasions we have pointed out that, in fact, humility is one of the most important characteristics that distinguish people who seek the Father's Love. Emotional outbreaks, as you showed recently, don't fit into the harmony amongst people, who are supposed to work together.

Instead of exploding and creating an open conflict, you could say, “I respect your ideas, but I don't agree with them." It is so simple. With that, you don't hurt anybody.

I believe that you understand that humility does not mean weakness. Be humble but firm, firm in your decisions and in your objectives. You are receiving guidance through us, as anyone may receive guidance through us. After all, we are but guides, you decide your destination, which is at-onement with God through His Love, and we try to guide you along the safest and most efficient road. You are the captain of your ship of life; I am your pilot, guiding your ship safely to the harbor of its destination. Also in your efforts for spreading the message of Love, we try to give you our advice. How can you spread a message of Love, if you are not capable of manifesting love in front of your neighbours?

Humility is strength, provided it is accompanied by steadfastness. And you can only have steadfastness, when you have faith, that is to say, the certain knowledge that what you are doing is the correct thing.

You remember that we once talked about the quarrel between the disciples over who was the first. None of them was prepared to assume a slave's work, preparing water and washing the others’ feet. Jesus did it. That is humility. Seeing how little his disciples understood of what he was preaching still did not lead him to give up his efforts to fulfil the Heavenly Father's Will. Even seeing the risk he ran did not lead him to abandon his mission and to seek less dangerous roads. This is what I call steadfastness.

What actually distinguishes a great soul, are the qualities of love, humility and steadfastness.

Collaborate in everything, where you feel the impulse to collaborate. If something displeases you, say so immediately, and so you will avoid future confrontations.

This is all for today. It is a simple advice. Be firm in your decisions, be generous with others, and whatever you do, do it with love. If you cannot put your love in some action, let it go.

Your brother in Heaven,

Judas

Lessons in Humility - part 3

This past month has been particularly challenging for me - lots of emotions have been wanting to surface and I have not been very humble with this process.  Far too often I have not allowed the full expression of the emotions and have probably been wasting a lot of time - this is not humility.  Today I realized that I have been allowing myself to be a slave to my fear and this is where I now need to start - but that's another post.  Here is the long awaited third part to lessons in humility.  Hopefully it will not be so long before part four gets posted.

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Humility Session 3 – Humility in Practice 

1.     Humility is the doorway to Truth.  The truths that we do not accept are the most difficult to work through.

The past month has seen me skirt around this truth and therefore I have not been very humble.  I have been avoiding God’s Truth on many issues and pretending to be better than I really am.  As I write this now I feel a sense of shame creeping in.  I am a fraud!  But while I have been avoiding many truths in the past month I have to be careful that I do not revert to the old pattern of blaming or belittling myself.  I need to remind myself, yet again, that there is nothing that I can do that God cannot forgive and I need to have some compassion for myself – something that I am still learning to do.

2.     Humility is a willingness to be overwhelmed by your own emotions and by God.  It is an openness to God’s Truth and Love.  It begins with opening your heart to yourself first and then opening your heart to God’s emotions – allowing yourself to become overwhelmed.

The thing I struggle with most here is opening my heart to myself – having compassion for my injured self and not berating myself when I do not get it ‘right’!  There have been times when I have been able to do this and as a result I have been able to connect to God’s emotions and allow the overwhelm to embrace me.  There are still far too many times when I resist humility, mostly out of fear of judgement and/or ridicule.  I am holding onto this emotion rather than allowing it to be released.  Why?

3.     Humility is self-awareness.  It is not a false sense of being lower than others and it is a willingness to see yourself as you really are – as God sees you. Humility accepts that God knows everything and is willing to discover what God knows.

As I go through these points that I have noted from this discussion I realize that I have a very long way to go before I become truly humble. The truth is that far too much of the time I do feel that I am less that others – I am not worthy of God’s Love and in this state God connot connect to me because I am not being in truth.  If I was being truly humble I would allow these feelings of unworthiness to bubble forth out of my soul and allow God’s Truth to enter – that I am the greatest of Her Creation and the most wonderful of Her handiworks and the object of Her great Love and tender care. But I would still rather hold onto the false belief that I am less than and as long as I hold onto that I can never become truly humble.  If I am willing to see myself as God truly sees me I would accept that I am powerful beyond measure and capable of greatness – we all are.  But I still fight what God wants me to see and feel.  I am not very humble at all and my willingness to discover what God knows is still very tentative and uncertain.  Actually a better word would be resistive. And resistance indicates a lack of humility.

4.     There is a HUGE emotion of condemnation of being wrong on the planet and condemnation of another is a lack of humility.  Humility does not impose its own emotions onto others; it understands (and has compassion).

This is a big emotion for me – fear of being wrong. And so far I have not been willing to really challenge this emotion – if I had been it would not hold such power over me as it does.  Consequently, I occasionally find myself judging others but much more often, judging myself.  And this is not humility either – it is fear!

5.     You need to consciously desire to connect to your own soul and desire wholeheartedly to experience all emotions all the time.

While I feel that I do consciously desire to connect to my own soul I do not desire wholeheartedly to experience all my emotions as they arise.  If I did I would not be so resistive to God’s truth and I would not honour fear.  The question then is – how do I cultivate this desire to wholeheartedly feel all of my emotions as they arise?  I feel that faith and prayer are the answers here as well as consciously activating my own will in this regard.

6.     Humility is a willingness to take responsibility for my own error without reservation.  Only I can feel my pain no matter how it got in me.  Humility is a choice to grow in love.

I feel that this is one area of humility that I am OK at.  I accept that only I can feel my own pain and I have come to learn that it is the choices that I have made over my lifetime that have enhanced the errors.  I have always had free will but I have not always used that will in a loving way.  The movie “August Rush” really helped me to understand this.

7.     Emotions that influence Humility – fear of humiliation – investment in the opinions of others – needing nice feelings from others.  Deal with these emotions first.

Fear of humiliation – check; investment in the opinions of others – check; needing nice feelings from others – check!  Crap!!!  Fear of humiliation is a big one for me – all those school assemblies being hauled out in front of the whole school and being ridiculed because I ‘did something wrong’!  What was that all about and how could it possibly instil more loving behaviour in others?  Consequently this emotion piggybacks into the others – if others think I am OK I’ll avoid humiliation and they’ll like me.  This has been my whole life – seeking the approval of others, avoiding humiliation and in the process I have lost sight of my real self which makes it much more difficult now to reconnect with the me that God created because the façade self has become so powerful.  And I now have to wade through this mountain of façade in order to become truly humble.  Fortunately God is patient and compassionate – something I am slowly learning to be with myself.

8.     The Law of Attraction shows the way – pay attention and choose to act.

While I am getting better at noticing what the Law of Attraction is showing me I am still very slow in recognizing it.  It is often not until several minutes (on a good day), hours or even days before I recognize what God was trying to show me.   But I am learning to reflect more and trying not to berate myself for being slow and I find that when the penny does drop I am allowing the connection to the truth much more easily – so that’s progress I guess!

9.     Humility is seeing yourself as you really are and be willing to take responsibility for that.  It is a willingness to feel your own damage and a willingness to be your real self in public.  True humility is not involved in lying, deceit or façade.

I can see how I have grown in this area and find that I am becoming much more real with myself and God most of the time (not all the time though). It is becoming easier to be my real self in public although there are still a few people who I guard my real self from. And it is becoming easier to be truthful with most people but I do still occasionally catch myself avoiding truth and if I can I attempt to correct that.

10.  You need to look at the fears below the addiction.  Step 1 – identify the addiction and reflect; Step 2 - identify the fears below the addiction; Step 3 – embrace the steps for discovering the truth.

Facing fear is something I have a LOT of trouble with which makes this process difficult for me to engage. Consequently I do not always identify the addiction – mostly I want to hold onto the addiction because it feels familiar and comfortable, even rewarding.  But fear is the biggest cause of disharmony on this planet and if I am to have any hope of helping this earth to become a more loving place then I need to confront my fears.  I am getting better at this – with some fears.  Time to challenge ALL fears.

11.   Humility means working with the resources in your own location to create abundance.

So I guess this means becoming truly God-reliant.   Allowing God to show me what gifts He has provided for us in my local area and how these gifts can be used for the benefit of all.  I am a long way from stepping into this at the moment – I have so many fears still of making a fatal mistake.

12.  How do I contribute to the oppression of poorer peoples or nations?

If I am being totally honest here I would have to admit that by pandering to my fears of lack of abundance and therefore creating much more waste than is necessary I am contributing to the oppression of the poor. This is a fear that I am still unwilling to face/challenge.  Why is this?  What am I afraid of? Purchasing goods that are cheap but not ethical also contributes to the oppression of others and I have been guilty of this also – fear of lack – again.  I really need to look at this.

13.  God helps us constantly through the Law of Attraction, other people, animals (reflect our soul condition) and all creation (reflect our collective soul condition).  When we are willing to be truthfully taught by God we will have no emotional resistance and an openness to emotional communication with God and others. 

As I am going over these notes I realize just how far I have to go to becoming truly humble.  Far too often I disregard, ignore of just miss what the LoA is telling me and I am still unwilling to feel what our domestic pets are telling me and I have a tendency to blame everyone else for unfavourable weather conditions – its not my fault – its everyone else who needs to get their act together – what arrogance!!! CRAP!  I still have so much to learn about humility!

14.  My actions are a reflection of my true soul condition and demonstrate where I am out of harmony with Love and Truth.  If I am truly living in my damaged self (as opposed to my façade self) I will see where and why I am not humble AND be willing to address the reasons why.  I will work through the blocks that I have to truth.

I guess if I am being truly honest I would have to admit that at least half of the time my actions are out of harmony with truth and love and are based upon addiction – probably more than this.  But I do strive to live in my damaged self and be real with everyone around me no matter how challenging that might be – I am not always successful but can usually see upon reflection how I have failed in this area and can then pray about this.  Lately I have been really struggling with working through my blocks to humility and am realizing that it is because I have not been truthful with myself with what is really going on.  I had a big realization about this today and as a result I was able to connect with my guides and gain some truth that I am still to work fully through – but it is a start.  What I have found is that God ALWAYS helps me when I am in truth – if I feel that God is not helping me than I have only to look at myself and the resistance I have to truth and sincerely pray about that – God always comes through for me.

15.  Humility is putting into practice what you have learnt.

So – how do I do this? Do I do this? Challenging my fears more consistently.  Learning to step into God-reliance. Being truthful with myself and others as much as possible and correcting my mistakes when I recognize them. Learning to put my relationship with God above all other relationships and feeling the fear that that brings up, especially when I put God and myself before family.

16.  Humility is being totally open to guides.  It is developing a longing for feedback from more loving people and it embraces truth.  Am I willing to be refined by God?

The thing I have the most difficulty with here is connecting with my guides and I am beginning to see that when I am out of harmony with love and truth I block their connection and when I am truthful with myself and God the connection is easier and clearer so this is a big indication of my level of humility (or lack of it).  I do have a strong desire for truth and truthful feedback and am willing to embrace truth as I have found it the fastest way to grow through the pain and errors.  Intellectually I feel that I am willing to be refined by God but my resistance to truth at times tells me otherwise – this is a work in progress.

17.  Am I willing to stand for truth and love no matter what the circumstances – even if it means that I risk losing everything?

Honestly, I would have to say – not quite yet.  I have a lot of fear to work through to get to this point but it is only in challenging the fear that I will get there.  What is stopping me? Fear?  Then it becomes a vicious cycle doesn’t it?  I am learning that fear is the biggest impediment that I have to true humility and fear prevents me from trusting God – I am making fear my god and that has to stop.  Courage and faith will lead me to Humility and prayer will lead me to courage and faith.  Please God, help me to overcome all the resistance that I have to true humility.  Teach me to love.

Soulmates

After talking to Dave the other day my soul was open to soulmate love and when reflecting and praying the following day I was able to tap into this enormous soul love that I feel for my beautiful soulmate. 

So many people are struggling to identify their soulmates and yet, for some reason, I have had the privilege of living with my soulmate for the past 32 years.  Now don't get me wrong, just because I have lived with my soulmate for this length of time doesn't mean our relationship has been all peaches and cream.  Far from it!  It has been a roller coaster ride to match the scariest ride in the world!!!  We have shared some amazing highs and some soul-destroying lows over that time.  But the thing that has kept us together through all of this is our willingness to look honestly at what is going on in the relationship and want to fix it. 

There have been several times in the past 32 years that I have wanted to leave, the pain I was feeling was too overwhelming, but this incredible soul pull has allowed me to have the courage to ask "what is wrong and how can we fix this?" 

What I have noticed is that each time we drift apart there is a huge ache in my heart and it has generally brought up lots of fear and anger in me.  BUT, when I have the courage to confront the fear and we take the time to talk openly and honestly about what is going on for each of us, we find ourselves in a much better place – the next high.  And I can honestly say that the highs are worth ten times the lows.  Our relationship is always better when we are in truth for it is truth that allows us to really love each other unconditionally.

Since opening my soul more fully to God's Love and Truth I have noticed a strengthening of our soulmate bond and a softening towards each other.  There is a growing desire, in me anyway, to want to know my soulmate more fully.  To want to understand him.  To want to share more openly and fully with him. To want to love him unconditionally.  And to want to work through the blocks in me that prevent our relationship from growing.

Some people have asked me "how do you KNOW that he is your soulmate?'  Well, this is not easy.  At some level I feel I have always known that he is my soulmate but it is only since discovering Divine Truth that I have understood fully what that means.  When we met I was not in a very good place.  I was distant and withdrawn from everyone around me for a week or so.  I was unsure where I was in my previous relationship – had we broken up? I didn't know what was going on and I was hurting.  I prayed a lot about this in the weeks previous to meeting my soulmate.  I wanted to know the truth. So when I found myself on a camping trip for six weeks with him and when my friend Helen said "you know, John really likes you" I began to feel about that.  First there was denial.  Then lots of questioning (internally).  Then I began to really look at who this man was – the essence of him – and I looked beyond what he looked like (not particularly handsome), and what he did for a living (then he was a truckie and I was a snob!). I looked closely at WHO he was and what was in his heart.  And I fell in love with him (in a matter of weeks I KNEW he was the one for me).  I had learnt to listen to me heart.

Since discovering DivineTruth I have begun to really open my soul to my soulmate and I have encountered LOTS of resistance along the way.  So much so that I have had spirits drop into my head that someone else was my soulmate.  Because of my own self-doubt and unworthiness I began to question if that was right.  This other man was born in Trinidad, as I was.  I had known him for most of my life, we had lots in common.  But I didn't feel anything special towards him.  Still the doubt lingered for almost a year and I felt myself withdrawing from my soulmate in my confusion.  As time went on my confusion and doubt grew.  I realized that in this state I was being very unloving to my soulmate.  I had to know the truth. This turmoil was now a raging tornado inside of me!  What would it mean if this other man was my soulmate?  Our relationship probably wouldn't survive this. It would hurt so many people! What would it mean for me? I can't tell you how great this anxiety was in me – lots and lots of fear! But I realized that if I truly loved this man that I was living with, as I believed I did, then I owed it to him (and to myself) to KNOW the truth even at the risk of loosing everything that I had.  Eventually knowing the Truth became more important than holding onto my fear and with God's Grace I found the courage to delve deep into the emotions that had been stirring in me. I went through the full cycle of emotions – anger, shame, fear, doubt, rage, terror and buckets of grief until at last God showed me the truth.  As I purged doubt from my soul and opened to God's Truth the image of this other man began to fade and the image of John grew clearer, brighter, bigger and closer.  More buckets of grief followed as I sunk into God's loving embrace and rested in the relief of knowing the Truth. 

And things changed in our relationship – it got better (confirmation from God). 

It is still a bit of a roller coaster ride but the lows are not so dramatic now and it is easier to be in truth with each other. I guess this will continue until we are both able to work through the errors that we have that stop us loving each other perfectly.

What I noticed after the conversation with Dave was a huge desire to know and love my soulmate more.  And I found myself reflecting the next day on how I know that he is my soulmate. Here is what I came up with.

My soulmate.

·       I feel that he is the most beautiful man in the world – ever!

·       He touches my soul when he looks at me.

·       He is totally accepting of me – warts and all.

·       He wants to understand me.

·       He allows me to be me even when that hurts him.

·       He feels me.

·       He supports me emotionally.

·       He feels like me – like the part of me that is missing.

·       He wants me to be happy even if that means that we need to spend some time apart.

·       He trusts me implicitly.

·       He makes my heart sing when I am near him or when I think about him.

·       Only God is more important to me than him and he is a very close second.

·       When I put my relationship with God before my relationship with my soulmate it enhances my relationship with him.

·       He loves me unconditionally.

·       He is my soulmate.

·       He is me.

I hope that this sharing has helped you in some way. I pray that you will have the courage to trust God and KNOW who your soulmate is because loving your soulmate is the second most important and beautiful relationship you will ever have.  The first is your personal relationship with God, your Creator and most loving Parent.

PS: Part Three on Humility is coming soon.

Humility Interview 2 – Practical Aspects of Humility

There has been a lot going on over the past few weeks - my youngest daughter's wedding took precedence and brought with it much that I needed to feel, hence the delay in this next post on Humility.  This is my reflections on the second Interview with Jesus and Mary on Humility. 

In black you will find the notes I took during the talk and in green are my deeper and more personal reflections on those points. I hope this is of some benefit to you in your own journey towards love.

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If you do not feel God's Love flowing into your heart it is a sign that you are not humble or do not have a desire for God's love in that moment. There are times when I feel God's Love flowing into my heart but it is still not a moment by moment basis. At these times this Love is so overwhelming I can't help but cry for the joy of receiving it.

Humility is the cornerstone of the Way to God and we don't need anything else.

This is why it is so important to develop humility.  Through humility I can grow my relationship with God.

Judgement is a form of arrogance.  How am I judging myself? How am I judging others? Lack of judgement is a sign of growing humility.

Judgement is something that I have struggled with a lot but notice that I am becoming much less judgemental of others and of myself but it is my relationship with myself that I still struggle with at times.  It is hard letting go of judgement when you have had a lifetime of judgement projected at you – it almost seems 'normal'.

When I am invested in the opinions of others I am preventing my connection with God.

This is a big one for me and it is challenging learning to let it go.  I have spent most of my life seeking out the approval of others in order to feel some sort of self-worth so to now be challenged to let this go is difficult and very confronting but I want to know my real self so I have to let go of the opinions of others and learn to trust God's opinion of me instead.  It is a work in progress.

God only connects with me as I truly am. She cannot connect with the façade.

I feel that this is the most difficult task I have ever undertaken – to find my real self, buried deep beneath the façade that has been created to hide the pain. But I want this connection with God and it is slowly becoming the greatest desire of my soul – slowly!

Humility = a wholehearted desire to feel all of my emotions as they arise and leads to me making my relationship with God my first priority.  Humility is a passionate burning desire to feel without addiction. When I am truly humble my longing for God will be stronger than my longing for any other experience and I will not be invested in the opinions of others.

I still struggle with this.  There constantly seems to be some manufactured excuse why it is not appropriate to feel my real self in any given situation.  But I am becoming more humble to my real self and I am slowly, very slowly, learning to honour my soul and my relationship with God.

When I avoid being humble I am in that moment worrying more about my relationship with others or myself over my relationship with God. This is still an issue for me but becoming less so. Am I willing to lose everything in order to have this relationship with God? Honestly?  I struggle with this.  My addiction to security and safety and reassurance is still very strong but I am feeling a growing desire to challenge this addiction.

Is my relationship with God my first and highest priority?  Not yet. If not, why not? What is blocking my relationship with God? Fear mostly and I need to challenge this if I am ever to get past this block to my relationship with God.

There can be NO addiction in my relationship with God (addiction is born out of fear and a willingness to avoid my real self and God will only connect with my real self). What is the investment that I have with my errors that block my relationship with God?

If I am honest here I will admit that I still feel that I want or need the approval of others. I want to be liked and respected which indicates that I did not feel liked or respected as a child. There is still much pain here for me to feel especially around the way children were treated in Catholic schools when I was growing up.  Fear was a powerful weapon in gaining submission and control and I still find it difficult to face my fear.  With God's help I will get through this.

When I have a truly passionate desire for God my relationship with God becomes my highest priority and I will be humble in every interaction I have with all of God's creation.

I feel that this is, and will continue to be, a work in progress until I become at one with God.

When I fully embrace my relationship with God every other relationship WILL be challenged. Don't I know it!!!

Humility will never attempt to shut down or reprogram my emotions (doesn’t engage in addictive behaviour).  Humility will engage every situation that will help me connect to God and my real self. I am slowly learning this.

Humility gives up control and embraces life fully (without fear). This is a tough one – giving up control!  In order to avoid my pain I have learnt to control everything around me.  Letting go of control is very challenging but also rewarding because when I do let of of control I am letting God direct  my life and who better to have at the helm than the supreme commander of the universe and all that is? When I am humble I will not try to juggle my life or control every situation, I will allow God to show me the way forward. Letting go of control is HARD!!

When I am humble I will be willing to embrace emotional terror and not try to manage it.

I struggle, struggle, struggle with this and pray for God's assistance.

Humility never gets angry, resentful or blaming of others, the environment or the situation.

When you are humble you will not feel that you have to give up anything.  Do I really have anything without God?

I feel that I am getting better at this – letting go of anger or resentment and allowing myself to feel what is beneath it – most of the time!

Humility has faith that God WILL provide everything that I will ever need.

So to challenge this fear that I have that God won't bother about me, I need to step into the fear and risk everything trusting that I am truly the creates of God's creation, the most wonderful of Her handiwork and the object of Her love and tenderest care.  If God provides everything for all of Her other creatures surely She will provide for me.  Right?  This still feels scary to me at the moment.

When I am humble I will be willing to be as I truly am and to take full responsibility for EVERY aspect of my life.

I feel that I am growing here – slowly.

Humility recognizes that I am the only person who is capable of changing me and when I do this with God's help the process is faster and complete.

When I began this process I found I was constantly wanting to shift the blame, wanting someone else to take responsibility and take away my pain.  I wanted to be rescued. But God does not rescue and I have had to learn to be fully responsible for all the errors that are in my soul no matter how they got there.  It doesn't matter how the errors got into my soul – they are there and I have acted upon them to cause further error – mostly by trying to avoid the pain or cover it up.  So now it is up to me to release the error – no one else can do that for me because no one else fully knows the extent of the error and the pain in my soul.  God can assist with this process but only when I am willing to take full responsibility and acknowledge the extent of the pain within me and the pain I have caused others because of these errors. Humility teaches that I must honour myself – my entire experience. If I am willing to do this I will be willing to feel all of my pain and release it.

Humility acknowledges my own unloving behaviour without minimization or dismissal.

When I am truly humble I will desire with all of my heart to experience the Law of compensation.  I won't avoid acknowledging my own unloving behaviour and I will want to know the full extent of the harm I have caused others (especially my own children). A humble heart is repentant and contrite about their unloving actions.

Repentance is a powerful healer and helps to fast-track the healing process. I have shed many tears for the harm I have caused my children and others due to the errors in my soul and there are many more still to flow.  There is still much resistance to this at times but when I am humble God can assist me in the process and the reward of His love flowing into my soul is worth every tear shed, every pain felt.

Humility is NOT self-punishment.  Self-punishment is a form of arrogance.

Unfortunately the subtleties of self- punishment make it easy to dismiss but I am learning that when I refuse to be humble and allow the full expression of my pain I am punishing myself.  Why?

When I am truly humble I will desire wholeheartedly to feel the causal emotion in me about my unloving behaviour regardless of what that emotion is. When I am truly humble I won't need courage I will just Feel.

Again, I still have a long way to go to be at this point, I still need lots of courage to get me into and through an emotional error and into truth and love.

Humility is a desire to become a trusting child of God again – soft, open, vulnerable, honest and sensitive. This desire is growing.

Humility opens the doorway to Love and Truth – lack of humility blocks your connection with your guides. In order to feel Love you need to be humble and soft.

My connection with my guides is still haphazard at best so I know I have a lot to learn about putting humility into practice.

Questions for Reflection.

1.     Do I tend to justify or minimize anger or rage? Yes – often. I am afraid of anger and often want to avoid it.

2.     Do I have a strong resistance to feeling my fear? Yes – if I didn't I would allow the expression of fear without judgement or trying to control it.  But I am more accepting og allowing the experience of my fear than I am of anger.

3.     Do I use my intellect to tell myself that I am over that now? No.  If anything it is the opposite.  I tend to tell myself that there is still more to go.  I find it hard to accept that God could have healed that part of my soul.

4.     Do I resist seeing the damage that I have done and avoid taking full responsibility for the harm I have caused? I don't think so.  I have a huge desire to learn to love and part of that is taking responsibility for the harm I have caused and correcting that.

5.     Do I want someone to rescue me? Often I do but this is growing less and my desire to take full personal responsibility grows.

Humility opens the door to Truth, Truth opens the door to Divine Love and Divine Love leads to the transformation of the soul.  Must learn to be Humble if we want to become a Divine Child of God.

Humility in Practice - Learning to embrace Every opportunity and God's great Love.

This journey towards understanding and living humility is much more challenging that I thought and it is taking longer than I had imagined.  I guess that is a good thing.  In the midst of the final wedding preparations for my youngest daughter's wedding I am finding that I am easily distracted by earthly things and not taking every opportunity to focus and grow in humility.  My reflections on the second interview on humility will follow in the coming days in the meanwhile I would like to share this entry from my journal from this morning as I feel that it fits well here.

Thursday 9^th May 2013

This past week has been one of resistance.  Everything has been difficult.  I have been tired all of the time and not sleeping very well.  Lots of fear is coming up when I go to bed at night and it is often well past midnight before I get to sleep. I feel overwhelmed and confused and have been making very poor food choices – not eating vegan and as a result eating foods that I am now finding disagree with me – mostly white bread and dairy which have been my comfort foods.  I guess God is showing me that what appears to be short term comfort actually produces long term discomfort. It is just not worth it! And all this is occurring I the midst of a two month focus on humility!  It is showing me that I am not yet very humble and that I do not yet trust God fully. And I am paying the price for this!

There have been many opportunities to welcome humility in the past couple of weeks, some of which I have embraced, many of which I have brushed aside. And I am realizing over and over again just how far away I feel from God on a moment by moment basis.

But then, in the midst of my denial and avoidance there have been some precious moments of connection - both with God and with my ever-patient soulmate.

And this is what keeps me going.

It is as if God is reaching out a hand and touching my heart and saying “I’m still here – do not give up”.

I am so very grateful for these moments of connection, however fleeting they may be, because they remind me of God’s unwavering Love and bring me back to myself.  Without these precious moments of connection it would be all too easy to give up and go back to a life of avoidance and addiction, of blindness and error. 

But these moments are so powerful and moving and it is as if I can hear God saying “Don’t give up. I am here with you every step of the way.  I will never leave you.  You are not alone.  Have faith and you will find your way back to Me. I will help you clear away all of the muck and debris that blocks your path home. Trust this. Do not give up.  The road back is fraught with danger while the road ahead might be bumpy, and at times seem overwhelming, it is the only way home and you must have faith and courage and forge ahead.  I am waiting to show you My Kingdom.  I am walking beside you every step of the way.  Turn to Me when in doubt and I will find a way to help you.  Trust this.  Trust Me. I love you – you are my precious child and you are only just beginning to tap into and understand the depth of My Love for you.  Don’t give up. Stay the course and your rewards will be great.  Trust this.  Trust My Love for you. I am here with you. Always.”

As I write this I can feel my heart opening and tears are flowing as the warmth of the autumn sun caresses my back and the cool autumn breeze kisses my face.  This has come through me and not from me and I am grateful.  I know that God is real and that She is kind, patient, loving and persistent.  She does not judge, she just observes and waits and Loves.  And I realize that these are qualities that are still so foreign to me that I find myself longing to be like God in these qualities. Far too often I find myself becoming impatient, judging or criticizing myself or others or just giving up temporarily because it all seems too hard.

And it is hard because I do not yet fully trust God in this process. And because I am not yet humble enough to simply embrace what God is trying to teach me without question. I find that I still question everything  - I still look for an easier way out.  I still look for that ever elusive fast forward button – and there is none! There is only here and now - this moment. My challenge it to learn to embrace every moment and to be fully present in my life.  To learn to catch myself drifting away without judgement or criticism and have empathy and compassion for my injured self – without excuses!  I need to let go of despair and doubt and embrace humility more fully and completely.  I need to grow in faith and hope that God’s Love can and will transform my soul if I will allow it.

I pray for more moments of deep connection to light my path.

Where would I be without God in my life? What would my life look like? I can only imagine the answers to these questions.  So, for me now the only way forward is with God. 

Please Mother teach me to trust. Teach me to embrace fully every opportunity that You give me to grow in humility and love.  Please Father, help me to overcome the obstacles that prevent Your Love from transforming my soul into a divine child of God. Teach me to love.

Lessons in Humility - session 1

Today (15^th April 2013) I am beginning what will likely become a two month focus on lessons in Humility. 

My plan is to re-listen to each of the five interviews on Humility with Jesus and Mary and allow myself to feel and reflect upon the points that touch my soul.  I plan to listen to one talk each week, however some talks might flow over a couple of week, and pray that I will find the courage and the willingness to fully embrace the lessons in each talk. 

If you would like to join me on this journey I would welcome your thoughts, feelings and insights as we work our way through the talks together. 

Each week I’ll post a link to the relevant talk here and at the end of the week I’ll share my learnings, challenges, revelations and joys as I step more fully into Humility and God reliance.  I don’t expect that this will be a flawless but the intention is there and I’ll do my best to stick to the original plan of one interview each week for five weeks.

Lesson One – AnIntroduction to Humility – 1.04.00hrs

The points in this talk that spoke to me.

1.       Humility is the most essential quality that we can develop in our progression towards God.

Jesus’ definition of humility – a passionate desire to feel and experience all of my emotions, whether they are pleasurable or painful, without blaming or attempting to control my environment in any way.

I am noticing that I still often judge the emotion too much – especially anger – and especially when I am in the company of others. I am allowing fear to dictate most of my life instead of humility.  And when I do have the humility to allow the emotion to surface in the company of others I allow others to shut the emotion down rather than challenge them as to why they do not want me to feel my emotions. I want to fit in – to feel ‘normal’. But what the world considers ‘normal’ is far from God’s definition of normal.  If I had to guess at what God’s definition of ‘normal’ might be I would say that Normal is to live a life of passion and desire where we feel all of our emotions as they arise, without fear of judgement, condemnation or criticism. Normal is to be our true selves, as God created us to be, and to rejoice in our differences and uniqueness.  Instead what I see and feel in this world is a world where we are made to toe the line, to not stand out, to make others feel better about themselves, even at our own expense. And this is not love.  No wonder this world is in such a mess right now.  What we need is more humility and I can begin to impact the world by growing my soul, especially in humility because it is the doorway to God’s Truth and Love.

2.       Humility teaches me that I must learn to submit to my own emotions – not those of others.  It teaches me to desire a clear understanding of my true self as I currently am at this moment.

I still struggle with this.  Who am I really?  Who is the me that God created? Who would I be if I did not have these errors in my soul?  What would my true passions and desires be? What would my life look and feel like?  From a very young age the world has conspired against us and we have been taught to conform to the image that others have of us – to be the person that will cause the least amount of distress to our parents, teachers, community. And in that process we lose our real selves.  I want to find me again – the real me that God created.  To do this I must first grow in humility, then open my soul to God’s Truth so that I might grow in Love and understanding.

3.       Humility allows us to be our true self in each moment without having to think about ourselves in that moment.  It is being comfortable with ourselves as we are and allows interactions based upon feelings and not thoughts. Pre-humility is when we are filtering our emotions through our thoughts.

I feel that I am very much in a state of pre-humility.  I still feel most of the time that I am not allowed to feel what I feel and I find myself constantly monitoring the situation – avoiding – avoiding Truth, avoiding Love – avoiding perceived pain.

4.       Humility is knowing who you are without elevation or deprecation. True humility is a journey towards at-onement with God. We need to allow ourselves to be the injured mess, to know that we have injuries and allow ourselves to be that injured person – not the façade self that we learnt to create in order to avoid the pain that we were not allowed to feel.

Fear prevents full acceptance of my injured self because I don’t like what I see.  I need to learn to break through the fear in order to see God’s truth about me. At the moment I am still very much taking baby steps.  I have faith that change is possible but too often I allow fear to prevent me from accessing the causal grief that will allow my soul to heal.

5.       Humility is a willingness to feel childlike and powerless.  It has a respect for God and God’s Truths

I still struggle with allowing myself to feel powerless and vulnerable all the time. I am challenging myself to follow God’s Laws by firstly challenging myself to follow man’s laws (at least the ones which are made in some sort of love) – stopping at stop signs that don’t need to be there when a give way sign would be just as effective – driving 40kmhr through road works or 60kmph in areas that really could safely be 70 or 80kmph and feeling the projections of anger and rage from those behind me. I find this is at time quite challenging and often frustrating but if I find it difficult to obey man’s laws I will find it impossible (at times) to obey all of God’s Laws which are not negotiable).

6.       To be humble all of the time you will have the ability to be your injured self all the times without being conscious of yourself very much at all (no self-judgement or self-consciousness).

I notice that I still constantly monitor myself based upon who I am with – I am much more my injured self with some people (mostly others on the path who do not judge my injured self as much).

7.       To be humble all of the time we will feel everything as we feel it – our emotions are written on our faces and we allow the complete reflection of our true/injured self in every situation. We will be who we truly are and will be less defensive about what we are feeling.

I am getting better at this but still do not allow the full expression of the emotion for fear of judgement.  I don’t often remove myself from others and allow the emotion to be fully expressed as it surfaces (fear of judgement). I then have to re-access the emotion at a later date – if I remember what it was. I often judge the emotion and myself rather than allow the full expression of it – but I am getting better at this. I am noticing how confronted people are when they turn up at my house and I am feeling into stuff  – mostly they immediately want to make me feel better (so they don’t have to feel their stuff). Or when I am out and emotions surface people want to avoid me and I can often feel their projections of ‘what’s the matter with her?’

8.       When you are humble you will always talk about truth and love and act in harmony with truth and love – not in defence of self but in honour of truth and love. You will not be concerned about the judgement of others and will honour God’s Love and Truth above yourself even if you are afraid. Humility allows you to focus on saying the truth in harmony with love and you will examine yourself first against the general principles of Love and Truth.

I love talking about God’s Truth and Love – the problem is that very few people want to engage a conversation about God’s Truth and Love.  I guess fear is the reason why.  Fear is the reason why I do not always engage a discussion about Truth and Love preferring instead to say nothing.  I am noticing that once the basic pleasantries are out of the way conversation lulls – it gets boring as people want me to pander to their addictions.  I am beginning to challenge myself more to speak the truth about what I am feeling in an interaction regardless of the consequences and to do this I must push through fear.  I must learn to feel myself first and let go of the intellect and trust my feelings. Too often still I pander to my fear – I allow it to control me and this has to stop.

9.       When you are humble you will treat yourself the same as others. “The only reason that you would modify yourself in company is because you are so afraid of somebody else treating you badly as a result of you being who you are or you have a lot of self-judgement about being who you are and both of these positions are positions of arrogance actually, not humility” (29.39min)

I still struggle with this and often put others before myself – my challenge is to learn to love and honour myself as God loves and honours me – the same as everyone else. I also need to let go of self-judgement and learn to acknowledge and accept my injured self.

10.   When others treat me unlovingly I will always look at myself first – what is the error in me that allowed this person to harm me?

I feel that I am getting better at this one – I find that less and less I am blaming another for their unloving treatment of me but rather looking at what in me allowed this interaction to occur.  It is tough.

11.   Humility is honouring God’s Laws and gifts.  Humility has no need to compete.  It recognizes that we all have unique gifts and talents and that God has created a universe which allows each and every one of Her children to shine and revel in our passions and desires.

I so wish that the world would get this – there is no need for competition. When I honour God’s Laws and God’s gifts I will have everything that I will ever need.  One of God’s Laws and gifts that I am struggling with at the moment is insects – God created all creation to be of benefit to humanity – including those pesky insects that I find so annoying, so what is the injury in me that allows me to kill God’s creation without remorse?

12.    When you are humble you will only examine yourself through God’s eyes.  You will know that you are allowed to be who you are and won’t worry about what anyone else thinks even when you know they feel badly about you.

This point will happen when we are at-one with God – it is a slow process and one that will be achieved through persistence, patience and the exercise of my own will.  I need to let go of judgement of the process being too slow and embrace faith more fully – faith that change is possible, that I can become at-one with God while still on earth.

13.   To enter into a relationship with God and to receive Truths from God you have got to be in a very humble place emotionally.  It is our interactions with God that are a true test of humility. Humility is the cornerstone of my relationship with God and we must exercise our will in order to exercise true humility.

This point raises the question – how much do I want a relationship with God? Is my relationship with God the most important thing in my life? Truthfully I would have to say no – I still too often put my relationship with my soulmate before my relationship with God.  The problem with this is that this soulmate relationship is still very addictive and this actually keeps me away from God.  But I want the security that this relationship brings and I am not yet willing to trust God enough to know that He will provide for me even better than my soulmate can.  In this I am avoiding a lot of personal responsibility and I am not loving myself very much – I love my mate more – I want to nurture and care for him.  This is really very arrogant as in doing this I am denying him his relationship with God – wow!!! What does this mean now?  Where do I go from here? When will I learn to trust that when I focus on God first all else will be added to me?

14.   God existed before me therefore God must know more than me.  We must be humble in order to learn from God. “Humility opens my soul enough for me to hear God.  Without humility we cannot hear God …to hear God we must be in a very, very humble place … I am going to hear God through my feelings …humility is all about emotions therefore I must be in an emotionally humble place … so I can hear God’s feeling about every matter… without humility there is no truth … when you are humble you hear with your heart.”

Over the past four years I have had the privilege of hearing God’s truth about me on several occasions – God has shown me why I have certain errors in my soul and how to let these go.  He has shown me what I need to focus on and what I need to feel but I need to allow myself to be truly humble to my emotions for this to occur. I wish I could hear God more often – obviously I am not humble enough yet – there is much pride, arrogance, fear and anger that I need to let go of in order to become truly humble.

15.   Humility is the doorway to Divine Truth. Divine Truth is the doorway to Divine Love.  God is constantly trying to get us into humility.  God loves everything about you, if you are truly humble you will let God tell you about you.  The best course of action is humility – humility needs to be the first course of action.  Learn from every experience.  When we are truly humble we will never try to manage our emotions ever again.

God speaks to us through the Law of Attraction – everything that happens to me is a result of God’s Law of Attraction showing me where I am at with my relationship with God.  I love that God has made it so simple for us to monitor our progress but I am still so bound up in fear to even notice what God is telling me most of the time. I pray that I will be able to stop honouring fear and trust in God’s Love and Truth in every moment.

16.   “God has this beautiful ideal of our potential, the thing that He created us to be and what we are so bound up in is our own impressions of ourselves that while we are so bound up in these impressions it is impossible for us to ever be what God created us to be.  To be what God created us to be we have got to throw out what our current perceptions of ourselves currently is and we have got to allow God, through this relationship, to show us what we truthfully are.” (49.00min)

There is still so much arrogance for me to work through beginning with the arrogant stand that I have had that I am not arrogant – such a furphy from God’s perspective.  If I am not truly humble as Jesus teaches us to be humble then I am in arrogance.  Arrogance prevents humility. WOW! There is much here for me to feel.

17.   The two steps to Humility

·       Learn to become as the child was in humility – no judgement, ridicule or criticism – of self or others. Go back to the time and place when I was a child.  This needs to be a positive choice.  Go back to the little child (innocent, trusting, full of wonder and joy, vulnerable and open).

·       Become an everlasting student of everything and allow every feeling and truth that God has to enter you.  Allow your soul to perpetually grow and expand.  Become like a sponge – absorb everything that God want to teach you.  Expand our ability to absorb more of God’s Truth and Love.  The childlike state causes God-reliance.  We need to have a child-like humility to grow beyond the 6^th sphere.