Right now I need to visit this place but for some reason that I am not yet willing to face I am unable to go there at present but I remember that God IS my shining light and I pray for the courage and willingness to go there soon
love
Linda
God is My Shining Light
There is a place that I go to
Sometimes when I am feeling brave
It is vast and dark and scary
And many mysteries are buried in this cave
I can see a tiny light
Deep within its core
And it draws me deeper inwards
Searching for its source
But there are many twists and turns
Within this deep dark place
And sometimes I feel so lost and alone
As I cautiously and timidly explore
Sometimes it feels too scary
To continue on any further
And I quietly pull myself back
For fear of being swallowed there
But that tiny light deep within its centre
Keeps beckoning me in
And it sometimes seems so beautiful
I find myself going boldly there
And when I face the deep darkness
And have the courage to get past the cracks
I am rewarded with a beauty and peacefulness
That is so bright and full of tenderness
For it is You waiting there for me
Your loving presence beckoning me in
It is Your light that shines so brightly
Washing over me therein
For You are the centre of my world
My only guiding light
And when I have the courage to face the darkness
Your love makes it seem alright.
Linda Munster
22.06.10
Friday 25 March 2011
Tuesday 22 March 2011
The War of Souls
I have been going over my workbooks for the past year or so and came across the following entry which very much fits with what I am feeling at the moment so I am sharing it here now also in the hope that rewriting it might help me to have the courage to face the deeper emotion that I am right now resisting.
With love
Linda
The war of the souls
There is a war raging inside of me, a war that I have little hope of understanding, let alone quelling and it is a war for my soul. The more I read, the more I listen, the more I discus with others is the more I become confused. What is real? What are these feelings rising within me and what do they mean? I wish I understood! Where is God in all of my torment and confusion? Yet, only I alone can answer the very questions that vex me! I, who knows so little, yet longs for so much, hold the key to my own salvation - if only I knew where to find it!! If only I would have the patience and persistence to sift through the debris and keep sifting until I find it!
There is a huge longing in my soul to know God and to know and understand His Laws and the depth of His love, and yet there is such a huge resistance within me to that longing. A fear that I can not explain, that I do not understand. At times this fear is so overpowering that I give in to it and I retreat from my longings, from my searching. Why?
I can not say, but I know that this constant struggle between desire and resistance is wearing me down. At times a sense of hopelessness engulfs me. It all seems too hard and I begin to doubt myself, to doubt even God! Then the horror of that doubt takes over and I cringe when I think how little faith I have, how little trust I have and I despair of ever understanding.
Why is it that I keep myself on this roller-coaster ride? Why do I keep participating in this tug-o-war for my soul? For it is only I who directs my soul, I who makes these choices that I do not understand. Do I have so little love for myself that I would keep myself in constant turmoil? Will I ever understand what it is to love unconditionally - Myself? God? My brothers and sisters?
Where are You God in all of my struggles? Jesus said "seek and you will find, knock and the door will be open unto you, ask and you will receive" and yet in all of my seeking, banging (for I am too impatient to knock politely) and asking I struggle to hear Your response Father, I can not find the key to unlock the door. But in all of my confusion and torment I will not give up, I will continue to knock, to seek, and to ask for Your guidance and support for I believe in Your Justice and Your Mercy. My soul is mine alone and only I, along with my soulmate and God can have any say in its growth and development.
I feel like I am drowning, drowning in self-pity and doubt and at times I fear that the others are winning, but I won't let that happen. I have faith in God and hope in His mercy, but right now I am in need of a guiding light, in need of a helping hand but from whence will it come?
I am tired God, tired of running away. Tired of struggling, always struggling! How can I change this? Is there anyone who understands, really understands? Why do I feel so alone and useless? These feelings that I have, are they longings or is it just a huge neediness inside of me that I need to let go of? Will anyone help me or am I compelled to walk this path alone?
I feel alone God. Alone and Lonely! Confused and frightened! Whom can I trust?
I do not want to keep dipping in and out God. Won't You please help me to have the courage and the willingness to brave the deepest, darkest depths of my soul? I can't go there alone Father and only You can help me. Only You can be my guide, and yet, without courage and the willingness to go there my efforts will be in vain! Won't You help me please? Help me to find the courage to face the darkest depths of my soul?
Grief engulfs me now and tears stream from my eyes, my nose drips and the flood gates open. I surrender to the grief. I don't know where it will take me, and I am not even sure that I care, I just want to free my soul of its burden in the hope that in doing so I will learn to love, really love, to love unconditionally God, myself, my soulmate, my brothers and sisters.
Take me Father for I am Yours and Yours alone. Shield me. Protect me. Guide me. Love me.
Where is she God in all of this, the little girl, where is she? Where is the one who hides in the corner alone and frightened? Whose pain does she share - her mother's? her father's? her ancestors? her own? She feels alone Father, alone and frightened, so little and so fragile, so afraid and confused and she is turning inward. Looking for a sanctuary deep within her being, somewhere to hide, someone to trust. But there is no one and she feels alone, totally alone, and there is no one to trust so she goes deeper and deeper within. Hoping to escape her agony. Hoping to find solace in the depths of her soul, for she doesn't know where to turn, she doesn't know who to trust for in the past whenever she had trusted anyone in her few short years, she has been disappointed, hurt, abandoned and abused. They tried to crush her spirit but they will not succeed for there is a strength within her that she is beginning to understand that she possesses. So she turns inwards to herself and to God for only God could possible understand her pain, her agony, her loneliness.
Deeper and deeper she goes to that place that only she and God can reach. To that place where her secrets are safe, for she knows that God will not betray her as others have done. God is her friend, her only true friend. The grief is deep now as she begins to remember her torment, the secrets she has kept so deeply hidden, buried beneath a bold, cheeky exterior that was cleverly constructed to hide her pain, the pain that only God bore witness to. She learns to become bold, brash and cheeky taking what she needs to comfort her soul. Lashing out in anger at any who try to comfort her. She begins to build a wall around her for her protection but in her haste there are gaps where a little light can shine through.
God has not abandoned her and the gaps in the wall allow glimpses of God's mercy and goodness to shine through, but she is relentless in her desire to protect herself. She doesn't want anyone to know her secrets, she wants and needs to be able to hide, to be safe, to feel loved. No one notices the wall that she so cleverly constructs around herself and they ignore her pain and anguish, too deeply caught in their own loveless traps to notice a little girl in pain and confusion. Too hurt themselves to even try to understand. There is only God. God alone can help her and she clings to that knowledge, that ray of hope. She will never give in. They will not defeat her. Her soul belongs to her and to God alone.
So where are You now God when I need You? Do not abandon me in my anguish. Lift this burden from my soul that I might begin to know what it is to love, to truly love all as You love me.
Teach me compassion. Teach me forgivness. Teach me mercy. Teach me to Love.
I surrender now and allow myself to feel into my grief for I do not know how long. I feel my soul giving in to God's grace and mercy and I feel a sense of peace engulf me so completely as to collapse from exhaustion into the comforting arms of God and I allow myself to rest there a while to revive my weary but joyful soul and then I remember, if only a little, the goodness and mercy of God's loving embrace.
There is still so much that I have yet to understand, so many treacherous paths to cross, but with each new crossing I gain a strength of purpose and fan the desire deep within my soul to learn to love without condition or favour and I gain a newfound hope that this task is not yet impossible.
Linda
04.10.10
With love
Linda
The war of the souls
There is a war raging inside of me, a war that I have little hope of understanding, let alone quelling and it is a war for my soul. The more I read, the more I listen, the more I discus with others is the more I become confused. What is real? What are these feelings rising within me and what do they mean? I wish I understood! Where is God in all of my torment and confusion? Yet, only I alone can answer the very questions that vex me! I, who knows so little, yet longs for so much, hold the key to my own salvation - if only I knew where to find it!! If only I would have the patience and persistence to sift through the debris and keep sifting until I find it!
There is a huge longing in my soul to know God and to know and understand His Laws and the depth of His love, and yet there is such a huge resistance within me to that longing. A fear that I can not explain, that I do not understand. At times this fear is so overpowering that I give in to it and I retreat from my longings, from my searching. Why?
I can not say, but I know that this constant struggle between desire and resistance is wearing me down. At times a sense of hopelessness engulfs me. It all seems too hard and I begin to doubt myself, to doubt even God! Then the horror of that doubt takes over and I cringe when I think how little faith I have, how little trust I have and I despair of ever understanding.
Why is it that I keep myself on this roller-coaster ride? Why do I keep participating in this tug-o-war for my soul? For it is only I who directs my soul, I who makes these choices that I do not understand. Do I have so little love for myself that I would keep myself in constant turmoil? Will I ever understand what it is to love unconditionally - Myself? God? My brothers and sisters?
Where are You God in all of my struggles? Jesus said "seek and you will find, knock and the door will be open unto you, ask and you will receive" and yet in all of my seeking, banging (for I am too impatient to knock politely) and asking I struggle to hear Your response Father, I can not find the key to unlock the door. But in all of my confusion and torment I will not give up, I will continue to knock, to seek, and to ask for Your guidance and support for I believe in Your Justice and Your Mercy. My soul is mine alone and only I, along with my soulmate and God can have any say in its growth and development.
I feel like I am drowning, drowning in self-pity and doubt and at times I fear that the others are winning, but I won't let that happen. I have faith in God and hope in His mercy, but right now I am in need of a guiding light, in need of a helping hand but from whence will it come?
I am tired God, tired of running away. Tired of struggling, always struggling! How can I change this? Is there anyone who understands, really understands? Why do I feel so alone and useless? These feelings that I have, are they longings or is it just a huge neediness inside of me that I need to let go of? Will anyone help me or am I compelled to walk this path alone?
I feel alone God. Alone and Lonely! Confused and frightened! Whom can I trust?
I do not want to keep dipping in and out God. Won't You please help me to have the courage and the willingness to brave the deepest, darkest depths of my soul? I can't go there alone Father and only You can help me. Only You can be my guide, and yet, without courage and the willingness to go there my efforts will be in vain! Won't You help me please? Help me to find the courage to face the darkest depths of my soul?
Grief engulfs me now and tears stream from my eyes, my nose drips and the flood gates open. I surrender to the grief. I don't know where it will take me, and I am not even sure that I care, I just want to free my soul of its burden in the hope that in doing so I will learn to love, really love, to love unconditionally God, myself, my soulmate, my brothers and sisters.
Take me Father for I am Yours and Yours alone. Shield me. Protect me. Guide me. Love me.
Where is she God in all of this, the little girl, where is she? Where is the one who hides in the corner alone and frightened? Whose pain does she share - her mother's? her father's? her ancestors? her own? She feels alone Father, alone and frightened, so little and so fragile, so afraid and confused and she is turning inward. Looking for a sanctuary deep within her being, somewhere to hide, someone to trust. But there is no one and she feels alone, totally alone, and there is no one to trust so she goes deeper and deeper within. Hoping to escape her agony. Hoping to find solace in the depths of her soul, for she doesn't know where to turn, she doesn't know who to trust for in the past whenever she had trusted anyone in her few short years, she has been disappointed, hurt, abandoned and abused. They tried to crush her spirit but they will not succeed for there is a strength within her that she is beginning to understand that she possesses. So she turns inwards to herself and to God for only God could possible understand her pain, her agony, her loneliness.
Deeper and deeper she goes to that place that only she and God can reach. To that place where her secrets are safe, for she knows that God will not betray her as others have done. God is her friend, her only true friend. The grief is deep now as she begins to remember her torment, the secrets she has kept so deeply hidden, buried beneath a bold, cheeky exterior that was cleverly constructed to hide her pain, the pain that only God bore witness to. She learns to become bold, brash and cheeky taking what she needs to comfort her soul. Lashing out in anger at any who try to comfort her. She begins to build a wall around her for her protection but in her haste there are gaps where a little light can shine through.
God has not abandoned her and the gaps in the wall allow glimpses of God's mercy and goodness to shine through, but she is relentless in her desire to protect herself. She doesn't want anyone to know her secrets, she wants and needs to be able to hide, to be safe, to feel loved. No one notices the wall that she so cleverly constructs around herself and they ignore her pain and anguish, too deeply caught in their own loveless traps to notice a little girl in pain and confusion. Too hurt themselves to even try to understand. There is only God. God alone can help her and she clings to that knowledge, that ray of hope. She will never give in. They will not defeat her. Her soul belongs to her and to God alone.
So where are You now God when I need You? Do not abandon me in my anguish. Lift this burden from my soul that I might begin to know what it is to love, to truly love all as You love me.
Teach me compassion. Teach me forgivness. Teach me mercy. Teach me to Love.
I surrender now and allow myself to feel into my grief for I do not know how long. I feel my soul giving in to God's grace and mercy and I feel a sense of peace engulf me so completely as to collapse from exhaustion into the comforting arms of God and I allow myself to rest there a while to revive my weary but joyful soul and then I remember, if only a little, the goodness and mercy of God's loving embrace.
There is still so much that I have yet to understand, so many treacherous paths to cross, but with each new crossing I gain a strength of purpose and fan the desire deep within my soul to learn to love without condition or favour and I gain a newfound hope that this task is not yet impossible.
Linda
04.10.10
Like a Jigsaw
I have just returned from a weekend in Murgon amongst my brothers and sisters on the Divine Love Path and am now feeling quite numb. The weekend brought up a lot of emotions for me especially around how unworthy I feel. I managed to do some processing while away but there is still a huge resistance in me to really feeling the emotions that are coming up. I am aware of a couple of spirits who are actively trying to shut me down and quite honestly at the moment I'm feeling too tired and drained to fight. So I thought it would be appropriate to post here a realization I had about emotional processing in October 2010. I hope it is of benefit to you also.
Love
Linda
Like a Jigsaw
I am beginning to realize that working my way through these emotions of error within me is like trying to piece together a giant jigsaw. But this is no ordinary jigsaw where you can see on the cover what the overall picture looks like – what the different colours are. No! This jigsaw is like a giant sheet of pure white. The original condition of our souls is a pristine white, pure and luminous, and the goal is to get it back to that condition. Now, after decades of life on the planet and years of absorbing the erroneous emotions, firstly from my parents and then from the greater environment I find myself trying to unravel the pieces of my soul so I can put it back together again.
This task is daunting and without God’s help I can’t imagine how it would be able to be accomplished. God alone knows how the pieces fit together and as I talk to God about these emotions of error that arise within me and pray for His guidance, I am taken on a journey that is so totally unique that it would be difficult for anyone else to comprehend.
Sometimes large pieces are revealed to me and sometimes small ones. Sometimes only parts of a piece are revealed and I find myself getting frustrated – where is the rest of this piece? I know it is incomplete but I am at a loss as to how to identify the rest of it. So I have to learn to be patient and to trust God for God alone knows the best way to unravel the jumble of pieces that make up my soul.
Now, nothing is more important than my connection to God. He is my constant companion. My mentor. My guide. My friend. Without God’s help I would be floundering around in a huge sea of despair fighting to stay afloat and the task of piecing together this seemingly impossible puzzle would likely take centuries.
I can’t wait that long. You see, I have always been impatient and I have always had grand dreams, I just never really knew how to achieve them. Now I know. The answer is to involve God. It always has been. It is so simple it escapes many of us – some all their lives on earth and then for many, many hundreds of years in the spirit world as well.
So, as I involve God in this process, this huge task of unravelling my soul, I am taken on a journey of awakening to who I really am. Sometimes it is really scary, this journey. Sometimes I feel so alone and lost, but if I remember to involve God in the process He always answers my call. And if I am able to hang on long enough another piece of the puzzle is revealed to me and I find myself basking in the glow of God’s love - if only for a short time.
But I am finding though that the more of these pieces that are revealed to me the easier it is becoming for me to dig out what the next piece might be. I don’t always get it right and I am learning to trust my Law of Attraction as my helper in this task.
I know that everything in the universe is connected and that my physical body is connected to my spirit body and it is all overcloaked by my soul. I know that whatever is going on in my physical body is just a reflection of what is going on in my soul and my spirit body. I know that this connection helps to give me a clue as to where to look for the next piece of the puzzle. The thing I am having the most difficulty with though is connecting to the emotions that are locked in the physical pain in my body. At times this seems impossible. Like there is this huge resistance to going into the physical pain for fear that if I do it will unlock more pain. I pray to God about this, but sometimes it feels like God is not listening – like He is saying ‘you have to work this one out for yourself’, and at these times I feel abandoned and lost. It doesn’t seem fair! But I know this is an error within me, because I also know that God is a God of love, compassion, mercy, forgiveness, patience and kindness and gentleness, and that God would not abandon me. So I am coming to realize that in those times that I feel like God has abandoned me that this is another error surfacing within me which is taking control of the situation. I need to learn to get past those errors and to go deeper into the emotion and to trust God more fully. When I do that magic always happens.
It is an interesting journey trying to unravel the pieces of the puzzle that is my soul. It is also at times daunting and frustrating and rewarding all at once.
Learning who I really am is an incredible sensation. Learning to forgive myself for my erroneous emotions and learning to have compassion towards myself is humbling. I am beginning to feel that I am finally learning to love unconditionally. I don’t always get that right, but I know I am getting better at it and this is the reward for doing this work - for there is no greater gift than being able to truly love unconditionally, as God loves us.
I feel very blessed.
Linda Munster
18.03.10
Love
Linda
Like a Jigsaw
I am beginning to realize that working my way through these emotions of error within me is like trying to piece together a giant jigsaw. But this is no ordinary jigsaw where you can see on the cover what the overall picture looks like – what the different colours are. No! This jigsaw is like a giant sheet of pure white. The original condition of our souls is a pristine white, pure and luminous, and the goal is to get it back to that condition. Now, after decades of life on the planet and years of absorbing the erroneous emotions, firstly from my parents and then from the greater environment I find myself trying to unravel the pieces of my soul so I can put it back together again.
This task is daunting and without God’s help I can’t imagine how it would be able to be accomplished. God alone knows how the pieces fit together and as I talk to God about these emotions of error that arise within me and pray for His guidance, I am taken on a journey that is so totally unique that it would be difficult for anyone else to comprehend.
Sometimes large pieces are revealed to me and sometimes small ones. Sometimes only parts of a piece are revealed and I find myself getting frustrated – where is the rest of this piece? I know it is incomplete but I am at a loss as to how to identify the rest of it. So I have to learn to be patient and to trust God for God alone knows the best way to unravel the jumble of pieces that make up my soul.
Now, nothing is more important than my connection to God. He is my constant companion. My mentor. My guide. My friend. Without God’s help I would be floundering around in a huge sea of despair fighting to stay afloat and the task of piecing together this seemingly impossible puzzle would likely take centuries.
I can’t wait that long. You see, I have always been impatient and I have always had grand dreams, I just never really knew how to achieve them. Now I know. The answer is to involve God. It always has been. It is so simple it escapes many of us – some all their lives on earth and then for many, many hundreds of years in the spirit world as well.
So, as I involve God in this process, this huge task of unravelling my soul, I am taken on a journey of awakening to who I really am. Sometimes it is really scary, this journey. Sometimes I feel so alone and lost, but if I remember to involve God in the process He always answers my call. And if I am able to hang on long enough another piece of the puzzle is revealed to me and I find myself basking in the glow of God’s love - if only for a short time.
But I am finding though that the more of these pieces that are revealed to me the easier it is becoming for me to dig out what the next piece might be. I don’t always get it right and I am learning to trust my Law of Attraction as my helper in this task.
I know that everything in the universe is connected and that my physical body is connected to my spirit body and it is all overcloaked by my soul. I know that whatever is going on in my physical body is just a reflection of what is going on in my soul and my spirit body. I know that this connection helps to give me a clue as to where to look for the next piece of the puzzle. The thing I am having the most difficulty with though is connecting to the emotions that are locked in the physical pain in my body. At times this seems impossible. Like there is this huge resistance to going into the physical pain for fear that if I do it will unlock more pain. I pray to God about this, but sometimes it feels like God is not listening – like He is saying ‘you have to work this one out for yourself’, and at these times I feel abandoned and lost. It doesn’t seem fair! But I know this is an error within me, because I also know that God is a God of love, compassion, mercy, forgiveness, patience and kindness and gentleness, and that God would not abandon me. So I am coming to realize that in those times that I feel like God has abandoned me that this is another error surfacing within me which is taking control of the situation. I need to learn to get past those errors and to go deeper into the emotion and to trust God more fully. When I do that magic always happens.
It is an interesting journey trying to unravel the pieces of the puzzle that is my soul. It is also at times daunting and frustrating and rewarding all at once.
Learning who I really am is an incredible sensation. Learning to forgive myself for my erroneous emotions and learning to have compassion towards myself is humbling. I am beginning to feel that I am finally learning to love unconditionally. I don’t always get that right, but I know I am getting better at it and this is the reward for doing this work - for there is no greater gift than being able to truly love unconditionally, as God loves us.
I feel very blessed.
Linda Munster
18.03.10
Monday 14 March 2011
Stepping into Desire
For a while now I have wanted to write about some of my experiences but have been too fearful to do this because of large emotions around fear, rejection and ridicule. I realize that these emotions have been keeping me from stepping into my desire and it is time to challenge this. I no longer want to live a life of fear, I want to spread my wings and learn to fly and I am learning that with God's Grace anything is possible.
I "discovered" the Divine Love Path about 20months ago and have been very blessed to have met many wonderful brothers and sisters who have encouraged and supported me on my journey. In the course of our sharing, learning and growing I have at times shared some of my letters and poems to God along with some of my reflections and these have been well received. It is with this encouragement that I step into my desire and share with you here some of my journey towards Love and Truth, the things that have inspired and challenged me.
This blog is a sharing of reflections, letters and poems to God that I have written over the past year and a half and of those I have yet to write. It is my hope that these may help and encourage you on your own personal journey and that in time you may feel free to share some of your own experiences and discoveries here as well.
One of the things that I have learnt on this path is that God already knows everything about me and loves me anyway. My Celestial Guides already know everything about me and love me anyway. My challenge is to go deep into the hidden recesses of my soul and uncover the hidden parts of myself and learn to love me in spite of these. It is a challenge that at times I find very daunting as I realize that there are parts of myself that I would rather keep well hidden, except that this is an illusion. In God's world there are NO SECRETS. It is time to live life on earth in the same way - with no secrets and in love.
My thanks go to Yeshua and Mary for their inspiration and example of what real love truly is and for their examples of courage, truth and unconditional love. You are my inspiration and my greatest teachers and I am very grateful for your love, patience and encouragement.
with much love and blessings
Linda
This first poem was written after I have been following the teachings of AJ Miller and learning about Divine Love for approximately five months. It really is the begining of my journey into myself.
..................................................................................
I have been sitting in my unworthiness this week and realizing how many facets there are to it. Unworthiness is such a deeply denied emotion over so many generations because it is so painful to feel. Yesterday and today there have been many tears shed over my unworthiness. Yesterday it was around mother and teachers. Today around childhood traumas, getting the strap from dad when we were naughty and really feeling at a soul level that I was not loved by either of my parents and feeling their own unworthiness and overwhelmed feelings of inadequacy, then going back even further for just a glimpse of my grandparents emotions. So much fear and doubt has been held within our souls for so much time and I am relieved to finally be able to let some of it go.
I know I have not yet worked through all of my unworthiness issues but I have made a start and that is a wonderful thing! I have been sitting in my unworthiness this week and realizing how many facets there are to it. Unworthiness is such a deeply denied emotion over so many generations because it is so painful to feel. Yesterday and today there have been many tears shed over my unworthiness.
I have also been sitting with some discomfort around the Padget Messages and in the prayer this morning I realized that the emotion that was coming up was jealousy! Again related to unworthiness and I think that was the trigger for this morning’s tears. How horrified I felt when I realized that I was jealous of Jesus! What a shock to my soul to acknowledge that emotion, an emotion that I did not realize that I had within me because it has been so deeply hidden and then there was a lot of guilt around that. There is so much still to work through, so much fear still existing in my soul and I have barely begun to scratch the surface.
Wondering
Clouds hovering
Sun hiding
Birds singing
Soul crying
Wondering?
Tears falling
Questions arising
Soul asking
God replying
Wondering?
Clouds lifting
Sun peaking
Spirits smiling
Soul singing
Wondering!
Linda Munster
15.12.09
I "discovered" the Divine Love Path about 20months ago and have been very blessed to have met many wonderful brothers and sisters who have encouraged and supported me on my journey. In the course of our sharing, learning and growing I have at times shared some of my letters and poems to God along with some of my reflections and these have been well received. It is with this encouragement that I step into my desire and share with you here some of my journey towards Love and Truth, the things that have inspired and challenged me.
This blog is a sharing of reflections, letters and poems to God that I have written over the past year and a half and of those I have yet to write. It is my hope that these may help and encourage you on your own personal journey and that in time you may feel free to share some of your own experiences and discoveries here as well.
One of the things that I have learnt on this path is that God already knows everything about me and loves me anyway. My Celestial Guides already know everything about me and love me anyway. My challenge is to go deep into the hidden recesses of my soul and uncover the hidden parts of myself and learn to love me in spite of these. It is a challenge that at times I find very daunting as I realize that there are parts of myself that I would rather keep well hidden, except that this is an illusion. In God's world there are NO SECRETS. It is time to live life on earth in the same way - with no secrets and in love.
My thanks go to Yeshua and Mary for their inspiration and example of what real love truly is and for their examples of courage, truth and unconditional love. You are my inspiration and my greatest teachers and I am very grateful for your love, patience and encouragement.
with much love and blessings
Linda
This first poem was written after I have been following the teachings of AJ Miller and learning about Divine Love for approximately five months. It really is the begining of my journey into myself.
..................................................................................
I have been sitting in my unworthiness this week and realizing how many facets there are to it. Unworthiness is such a deeply denied emotion over so many generations because it is so painful to feel. Yesterday and today there have been many tears shed over my unworthiness. Yesterday it was around mother and teachers. Today around childhood traumas, getting the strap from dad when we were naughty and really feeling at a soul level that I was not loved by either of my parents and feeling their own unworthiness and overwhelmed feelings of inadequacy, then going back even further for just a glimpse of my grandparents emotions. So much fear and doubt has been held within our souls for so much time and I am relieved to finally be able to let some of it go.
I know I have not yet worked through all of my unworthiness issues but I have made a start and that is a wonderful thing! I have been sitting in my unworthiness this week and realizing how many facets there are to it. Unworthiness is such a deeply denied emotion over so many generations because it is so painful to feel. Yesterday and today there have been many tears shed over my unworthiness.
I have also been sitting with some discomfort around the Padget Messages and in the prayer this morning I realized that the emotion that was coming up was jealousy! Again related to unworthiness and I think that was the trigger for this morning’s tears. How horrified I felt when I realized that I was jealous of Jesus! What a shock to my soul to acknowledge that emotion, an emotion that I did not realize that I had within me because it has been so deeply hidden and then there was a lot of guilt around that. There is so much still to work through, so much fear still existing in my soul and I have barely begun to scratch the surface.
Wondering
Clouds hovering
Sun hiding
Birds singing
Soul crying
Wondering?
Tears falling
Questions arising
Soul asking
God replying
Wondering?
Clouds lifting
Sun peaking
Spirits smiling
Soul singing
Wondering!
Linda Munster
15.12.09
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